Child Counseling for Grief and Loss in St. Louis
Grief is, understandably, a difficult topic for many parents and children. It can be uncomfortable to deal with. And for the anxious and angry kids that we love to work with at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, what feels like grief on the inside can look like anger, behavioral problems, or general stress on the outside.
Grief can bring up difficult emotions.
We know from our anger iceberg that what looks like anger on the outside can actually be hiding a lot of important emotions, underneath the surface.
There's a wonderful story, Jeremy's Journey of Hope and Healing, that we often read with my elementary school clients about grief and loss. Jeremy's father dies of circumstances that are never specified, and Jeremy blames himself. He experiences many signs of traumatic bereavement - guilt, explosive anger, lack of interest in previous passions, stomach aches and headaches. His brother, on the other hand, is demonstrating more expected reactions to grief: general sadness, but also an ability to recognize happy memories with his dad, too.
Children worry that they are alone in their experience of grief.
Many times, children just need to know that they are not the only one who feels the way they do. Building connections, with parents, students, and grief groups, can go a long way in helping heal the wounds. In Jeremy’s story, Jeremy finally feels better after getting help from a counselor - but, more importantly, he connects with a fellow student at his school who also had a parent die. He recognizes that his emotions are valid, and feeling anger and sadness and stress are all okay.
Counseling normalizes your child’s reactions to grief and loss, and helps build a toolkit for how to deal with these feelings.
Instead of ignoring grief or assuming that your child - or even yourself! - will just get over the loss eventually, it can be helpful to talk with a professional about all the different feelings or experiences. There is no right way to manage grief after the loss or death of a special someone. Working with a counselor or therapist, though, can help guide children and teens through the grieving process, and build skills for managing the different emotions that arise.
What tools we build in therapy:
When we work with grief and loss at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, our main goal is helping your child process what happened. We can’t change the fact that someone died, but we can change how we deal with it and move forward.
I often take a TF-CBT informed approach with grief and loss, and focus on building skills before we ever dig in to the loss.
Psychoeducation for Grief and Loss:
We complete psychoeducation on grief and loss (yes, Jeremy’s story comes into play here!) where kids learn that grief is common, and normal, and can look a lot of different ways on the outside.
2. Relaxation Skills for Kids:
Next, we build relaxation skills, so that kids have a good toolbox for dealing with their overwhelming emotions.
3. Affective Expression:
We learn about affective expression, so kids can identify what they’re feeling inside and how it looks on the outside.
4. Cognitive Coping:
And then, we focus on cognitive coping. What can I tell myself that helps me feel better? How do I know what my brain is telling me? Is my brain always 100% true, or are there times that my brain tells me something and there could be another explanation?
Once we have this strong foundation of PRAC skills in place, we can focus on processing the bereavement.
We never want to jump right in to the loss. We want to have the skills to really handle it. Kids work to create a story about the loss, and through this story we can identify big emotions, incorrect and unhelpful thoughts, and process everything that has happened around this difficult time.
By sharing your story, you can move forward from your story, but you need time to do this.
If you or your loved one have experienced a recent loss, it may be helpful to meet with a therapist. You can schedule a call to talk further, right on our website.
Further Reading:
Relaxation skills for all! Learn about our favorite relaxation strategies right here.
Another great option for treating grief and loss is EMDR. Learn more about EMDR here.
Some kids really benefit from art therapy as a way to process their grief and move forward. You can learn more about our art therapist, Susie, right here.
Curious to hear more, or are you a little reluctant about counseling? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis provides specialized anxiety and anger management therapy for kids, teens, and college students. We work in Clayton, MO and serve kids, teens, and college students throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Coeur, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. You can set up your free phone screening to see if we’re a good fit for your needs right on our website.