The Aftermath: Helping a Friend After Sexual Assault or Abuse

After sexual assault, rape, or abuse, it’s important to offer support tailored to the survivor.

Some may want to walk through all the details, and others won’t want to talk about it at all. It’s also important to recognize that you can help by getting the survivor to a trained professional - a doctor if there’s been any kind of physical trauma, the police to file a report, and a counselor or psychologist to help with the mental aftermath.

Not everyone who experiences sexual assault will have trauma or ptsd afterward.

But it’s important to look out for the signs, like nightmares, flashbacks, angry outbursts, feeling jumpy, or feeling “out of control.”

All of these symptoms make sense after experiencing an assault, and you can help support by asking the survivor if she or he wants to talk to someone about what’s going on.

While it can be helpful to talk about what happened, if the survivor wants to talk about it over and over, or justifiably has a hard time letting it go, that’s when I recommend seeking mental health treatment.

What we should do:

We should avoid expecting all people to react the same way. Some people want to get out a ton of details, and others won’t want to talk about the trauma at all. Recognize that there’s not a right way and a wrong way to process what has happened. Instead, everyone will deal with the situation on their own terms and in their own time. Avoid telling people what they must do next or how they must react.

That being said, there is a great opportunity to help provide guidance when you’re a little bit removed from the situation.

So, help them to figure out the next steps. Have they gone to a doctor yet? Are they comfortable making a report? Are they able to find a counselor who specializes in trauma work, and crisis management?

As a therapist specializing in trauma and anxiety, I absolutely recognize how important it is to complete counseling with the trauma informed therapist. But, not everyone immediately needs counseling. Some people are able to move on with that supportive family and friend network, rather than immediately going in depth in trauma therapy.

And if you’re looking for a counselor, make sure to do a few intake phone calls before deciding on the right fit. That therapeutic relationship is the most important component of counseling.

Have a friend or family member who has experienced a traumatic event? Or perhaps you have your own experience that you're wondering if you're ready to talk about. Email any questions or concerns to Kelsey via kelsey@compassionatecounselingstl.com to hear more about anxiety counseling and counseling for trauma in St. Louis. Kelsey works in Clayton and sees clients from University City, Webster Groves, Ladue, Creve Couer, Town and Country, Des Peres, Brentwood, and Kirkwood.