College Readiness with Joann Elliott, M. Ed, LPC
College is an overwhelming time for both you and your teen!
It can lead to a lot of anxiety and nerves. We interviewed several college prep counselors here in St. Louis. These counselors have worked directly with students, and have first hand experience in what it takes to get them ready for this major transition in their life.
We are so excited to kick off our College Readiness series by sharing our interview with Joann Elliot! Joann worked as a highschool college counselor for many years before opening College Counseling Tutoring in 2014. She is also the author of When to do What: A Step by Step Guide to the College Process and The Honeycomb Approach: 6 Factors to Finding Your College Fit. Read more below about her experiences working with high schoolers gearing up for their big transition to college and about her latest book.
We’re also accepting applicants for our college readiness summer intensive. Parents, graduating highschoolers, and returning college students can find more and apply right here.
How do you define college readiness for teens and their parents?
College readiness includes many facets including academic, financial, social, emotional, and personal considerations. Many families concentrate solely on the academic piece. They are concerned about ‘what looks good’ both in terms of courses and extracurricular activities.
While it is true those things do matter, a lopsided schedule that is too course or activity heavy and creates a great deal of stress and turmoil is not the answer. Over the years, I have seen so many students stress over academic details that they completely ignore the idea of learning for learning’s sake and are just checking boxes on their to-do list. Not only is this not healthy, it doesn’t allow for students to love learning and embrace the enjoyment it can provide.
In addition to academics, students also need to be prepared for school socially, emotionally, and personally.
For example, not everyone is ready (or wants to) go away and that’s ok. Everyone is wired differently and students need to follow their own path. Just because a student chooses a less traveled path than most students doesn’t mean they aren’t successful. They just have a different way of getting there. Paying attention to what you need to succeed means less chance you’ll ‘bounce back’ or ‘boomerang’ from college back home without a degree. Some students struggle with anxiety, depression, ADHD. All of these (and a host of others) can thwart even the smartest student’s college education if they don’t consider what support they need to succeed in college. Being ready for college means a holistic approach—ask yourself some tough questions of what it will take in all areas for you to be a successful college student.
What do you recommend students work on, including socially and emotionally, to prepare for college?
First, know yourself. Teens are programmed to follow the crowd. Peer approval is so important, but you must break free from the expectation you think others may have of you and see what is right for YOU. This is not a time to follow the crowd.
If you have dealt with any social or emotional issue in high school, recognize you will need to consider how you will get support for that in college. For example, if you’ve been in counseling in high school for any reason—general therapy, depression, eating disorders, cutting, grief, etc.—find a counselor in the city/community you will be living BEFORE you decide on a college. Make sure that community has everything you need from pharmacies that have your prescriptions to learning centers that help you with your ADHD or a therapist who can support you. Don’t just rely on the college to help you. Even in college, the support often comes from outside the college’s campus boundaries…Know what’s out there to help you.
Second, ask yourself tough questions….am I homebody? Does my parent often ‘assist’ me with my to-do lists and tasks? Am I independent? In what type of environment do I thrive best? Do I do my work only if I have someone keeping me accountable? Honest answers will help you find your best place for college and be successful when you get there.
How do you encourage high school juniors and seniors to cope with anxiety or perfectionism before the move to college?
Recognize that there is so much hype surrounding college admissions. It is true you do have to hit certain benchmarks for certain schools or scholarships but being perfect is not one of them.
Your happiness is way more important than perfection.
And perfection is not possible for anyone so spare yourself the misery of trying. Many students have perfect ACT scores and GPA’s and still don’t get into a certain school. It’s not personal, it’s just numbers. The sooner you realize it all works out in the end, the happier you will be.
Sometimes students need a dose of reality therapy. Many students have told me they wish they’d enjoyed high school more and that they stressed themselves out and it wasn’t worth it. Many have told me they worked WAY less in college than high school because of the pressure they put themselves under to get ready for college. Even if you don’t get into your ‘first choice’ college, you aren’t doomed to a life of misery. Plenty of rich, successful, and wonderful people went to ‘average’ colleges. A specific college doesn’t make you a better person---you make you a better person.
Don’t get trapped by the mindset that there is only one college for you. One way to avoid all this is to not put your eggs all in one basket. Work with a counselor to determine what would be a ‘reach’ school for your abilities versus a ‘likely’ school for admission as well as a ‘back up’ plan. Doing this opens doors and reduces stress all at the same time. You give yourself plenty of wiggle room this way for everything to work itself out the way it was meant to be.
What is the biggest piece of advice you give to high schoolers that are planning to attend college?
Recognize college is not the utopia the world makes it out to be.
Look at it, rather, as the next best step for your life. You’re not going to have it all figured out—that’s not life for anyone. No matter your age or place in life, we all have our challenges and college is no escape from everyday life. Do your best but don’t take yourself so seriously. Even a misstep can be corrected. Don’t overextend yourself financially no matter how bad you want something. It’s never worth it and you’ll pay the price for a long time to come and it may even affect the quality of your life after graduation.
Let your parents help you
Or agree with them to find someone who can help you navigate the process if you find it tough to work with your parents. The worst thing I see students do is ask a peer for advice—they rarely know any more than you do and this is not a time for bad information.
Start early.
Long before the applications are filled out there is plenty to do. Work with someone to identify what it is you think you want and give yourself time to change your mind. Start having these conversations on a regular basis in your sophomore and junior years and you’ll be so much more relaxed and happier. Last minute rushing always makes for bad decisions and increased stress.
Own this process.
This is your journey. Your parents shouldn’t be going to meetings, etc. for you or filling out your applications. If you’re ‘too busy’ to do these things, you are over-scheduled or unable to manage your time well. Re-route and take ownership! The person who should be most concerned about your future is YOU. Last, don’t worry about what others think of you. Choose the path best for YOU and hold your head high!
What is the biggest piece of advice you give to parents of high schoolers that are planning to attend college?
Pick your battles. Often parents get upset over something like distance to a school, etc. Let a student pick one ‘far away’ or ‘expensive’ school and just see where it goes. Often, financial restrictions or a negative admission decision negate the discussion of whether the student should go there. What looks good to a student early in the application process (because everyone else is applying to school in California) will often dissipate as the process goes on. Cross the bridge when you get to it.
Educate yourself. This means talking to the school counselor, attending events (with your student in tow!), reading books, and asking lots of questions. Consider outside help especially if you want your child to exercise some independence or if you find it difficult to work with your teen. (This is SO common!) But, ASSIST your child. Do not do it for them. That is a big turnoff to admission reps and also doesn’t do a thing to help your child to become an independent, productive person. Recognize this phase won’t last forever and that often emotions that run high on either the part of the parent or the student is because there is some fear or sadness behind all of this. Your ‘baby’ is growing up---changes are happening. Maybe your own issues of financial insecurity or becoming an empty nester are over-shadowing things and causing arguments.
Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your child. If there are financial limitations (or geographic or other limitations), tell the student that upfront. Don’t drop that bomb on them in the spring of senior year when they have their heart set on something and had no clue there were boundaries in this process.
From your book, The Honeycomb Approach: 6 Factors to Find Your College Fit, what information can your readers expect to learn about the college process?
This book moves off the traditional ‘how to get yourself in to college’ to a more personal approach and offers the reader the tools to find what it is that they uniquely need to be successful in college.
The college dropout rate is over 40% and it’s not enough that a college have good name recognition but must be instrumental in moving the student forward towards their ‘next best step’ in their educational and personal development. That next step looks different for everyone and it takes some reflection and soul-searching (and being honest with yourself) to know what you need to be successful. Students learn to think for themselves, know themselves, and decide for themselves in a way that benefits them without following the crowd.
Can you tell us a little about what the holistic approach means when finding the right college fit?
Taking a holistic approach means you don’t just go for name recognition or a ‘good program’ or even the best deal. A holistic approach means you look at all facets of your life that influence your success and reflect who you are—we are so much more than just grades and test scores! What do you need to be successful? What emotional or learning support do you need? Are you a homebody? Can you advocate for yourself? All these factors and more determine your abilities and needs to not just survive college—but thrive.
What type of teenager would really benefit from this book in particular?
This is a great read for any teen, but especially those who are struggling to find their way, are anxious, and who need a reality check on what’s important. What also makes it especially appealing is that it’s a short read and very straightforward. It’s called The Honeycomb Approach because just like a honeycomb has six sides, there are six elements that are key to helping you find your best fit and making you a STRONG individual. While the honeycomb analogy is used throughout the book, it hits all the points in a succinct way and even provides common sense questions at the end of each chapter that help students think about what they truly need from their college experience.
How can families reach you for more information?
Both of my books are available on Amazon. For more information or an appointment with me, families can learn more about what I do at www.cct-stl.com, Facebook (@CCTSTL), Twitter (@JoannCCTSTL), or call 314-384-3134. You can also email me at joann@cct-stl.com and I’d be happy to help.
For a teen with anxiety or perfectionism, not knowing what to expect with college can be really tough. This is why Compassionate Counseling St. Louis created a weekly summer intensive designed to specifically target teens who may need a more personalized approach to handling their college anxiety. This program has limited spots and we only want to work with teens and college students who are ready to dig in and work hard. Read more about the specifics of our program and apply for your free phone consultation right here.
Curious to learn more about college readiness for teens? Wondering if your teen needs to meet with a therapist to discuss coping skills to manage their anxiety instead? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis works with kids, teens and college students throughout the St. Louis area. We highly recommend our college readiness intensive for the summer, but for your student who needs more long term therapy services, you can schedule your free therapy consultation right on our website.