Perfectionism and Anxiety in College Students, Teens, and Kids
Anxiety disorders can look a lot of different ways.
Anxiety doesn’t always look like someone who is shy, has panic attacks, or seems easily overwhelmed. Sometimes, people with anxiety issues look PERFECT on the outside. They seem to always get good grades and have lots of friends; they’re successful and on the swim team and in tons of awesome extra curriculurs.
But underneath the surface, they’re struggling.
Photo credit: @apollon
We know that anxiety and perfectionism go hand in hand.
When you have fears about what could go wrong or what’s going to happen next, you may feel this impulse to control as much as you can - which includes controlling yourself, to the best of your ability. But when things don’t go your way, you end up really disappointed, either exploding with rage or internally berating yourself for failing and getting really depressed.
This week, we’ve collected our past blogs on dealing with perfectionism.
Organized by category, with a brief summary. Take a look below, depending on how perfectionism is looking for you or your child. If you need more resources, or you feel like you’re ready to get counseling for perfectionism, reach out to us right here.
Perfectionism and the Anxiety Spiral
When we have perfectionism, we can spiral pretty quickly. One worry leads to another, and another, and another, and suddenly getting a bad grade on a test turns into a fear that we’ll never get in to the college we want. Learn more about your anxiety spirals and print off a worksheet in this post.
Perfectionism is a lofty goal that keeps you from completing things or doing things that are good enough. If you have to be perfect, anything less than 110% basically makes you a failure, right? In this post, you’ll learn more about how perfectionism may actually be holding you back.
Perfectionism in High School and College: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
When you start to notice perfectionism creeping up and getting in the way of you completing assignments or focusing on the task at hand, you have to take a step back. Figure out what your perfectionism is telling you. Is it 100% true? Is there something else you could tell yourself in the moment that feels more helpful? Perfectionism isn’t all bad - but it can keep you from getting things done and being okay with “good enough.”
Perfectionism and the Fear of Failure: How to Succeed With Anxiety
Failure is really important - it helps us grow. And while it is important to do well, make achievements, and succeed in your goals, the stress about being “perfect” gets in the way to you actually growing as a person. Your brain gets too focused on not being good enough.In this post, find 5 steps to move forward from a perceived failure.
How Anxiety, Perfectionism, and Toxic Positivity Feed Into One Another
Toxic positivity keeps you presenting the good and ignoring the bad. It keeps you from really sharing what’s going on, and really being honest about your own internal experiences. Toxic positivity keeps you stuck in one lane, feeling trapped and unable to escape. In this post, you’ll learn more about how that toxic positivity plus perfectionism can lead to a huge anxiety issue.
For Parents: Perfectionism and Parenting Your Highschooler
Our three step approach to managing overwhelming emotions, detailed for parents in this post. Learn how to identify what’s going on, empathize with it rather than making your teen defensive, and helping them game plan and get through the challenges they face.
Floating Leaves ACT Meditation (Meditation for Acceptance)
It can be SO HARD to let things go. This floating leaves meditation is one of our favorites to use with kids and teens who experience perfectionism. It’s a way to practice letting overwhelming thoughts drift by, without latching onto them or getting hyper-focused. It’s also a way to train your brain to let go of the noise and just focus on what’s in front of you (which, actually, is a hugely important tool for when you need to focus on the task at hand!)
Check Out Kelsey’s Book: When Anxiety Makes You Angry
My self-help book, “When Anxiety Makes You Angry: CBT Strategies for Teens With Anxiety-Driven Anger” delves into anger, anxiety, and perfectionism for teens. In 8 chapters, we cover identifying underlying emotions, building coping skills, and restructuring thought patterns. The goal is to get anxiety-driven anger, which can include maladaptive perfectionism, to take a back seat. Learn more about the book, which comes out February 2022, and sign up for the waitlist for a sneak peak of Chapter 1.
Kelsey Torgerson Dunn, MSW, LCSW is the owner and founder of Compassionate Counseling St. Louis. She is writing a book with New Harbinger Publications on Anger Management for Anxious Teens, for March 2022. Pre-order here.
Curious to learn more about how we can help teens and college students with anxiety? We want to help you build your anxiety and perfectionism management tools. Our therapists specialize in anxiety management for teens, college students, and children, age 4 on up. Schedule your free 15 minute phonecall on our website, at www.compassionatecounselingstl.com/consult.
