Winter Break Tip #10 - Let It Go

Hey, parents? You get to choose your battles. Which means that sometimes, you choose not to go to battle. You know what's great about letting something go? You still get to be in charge.

When faced with a problem, we want to teach our kids and teens to evaluate if it's really a big deal. And even if it is a big deal, you still get to decide: do I want to work this out, or do I want to just let it go? Letting it go doesn't mean holding a grudge, or holding it against someone later. It really and truly means that you're moving past it.

Try it out over winter break (we're sure you'll have several opportunities to do so with your kids, your in-laws, or the holiday lines at the grocery store!) See how much more power you feel when you decide to just let something go. It's huge.

Winter Break Tip #7 - Attune and Connect

How many times has someone asked you ”How are you?” and you’ve replied, “Good!” and that’s the whole conversation? Good isn’t a feeling! And, our guess is that you’re feeling a lot more than just “good.”

It’s so easy to gloss past emotions without really taking the time to attune to what’s going on emotionally. This is especially important for your role as a parent. You have to teach your children how to correctly identify their emotions and move forward with them.

Rather than a quick check in with your kids before moving on, take some time to really attune to their emotional state and connect with them, Help them normalize their emotions, and never label a thought or a feeling as good or bad. Even when you or your child are feeling angry or sad or overwhelmed, these emotions give us very important information!

Winter Break Tip #4 - Identify and Empathize

How many of us take the time to really figure out how we're feeling from moment to moment? It can be so easy to gloss over what we're feeling, and then, before we know it, an emotion has built and built until we feel like we're going to explode.

Our first step to helping our kids identify their emotions? You want to help them clue in to what you're noticing on the outside, and what they might be feeling on the inside. Try "You seem stressed," or "I'm wondering if you feel angry." Give them space to correct you. Help them build up their emotional language far beyond "I feel good/bad/fine."

There’s no such thing as a bad emotion. And, honestly, there’s no such thing as a good emotion. Emotions just are, and all emotions are healthy and helpful. We just need to figure out what to do about them.

Winter Break Tip #1 - Think Through Last Year

Our top tip for parents is to PLAN AHEAD. What went well last year? What were the challenges? What do you want to try out differently this time?

You can’t prepare for everything, but you can set a great plan for winter break. Prep your schedule for these upcoming weeks - what’s going to happen and when? Go through this schedule with your kids. Figure out what time will be structured and what time will be unstructured. And, prepare your expectations and time management.

Winter Break Tip #2 - Prepare

When you have expectations for your child’s behavior, it’s important to set your kid up for success. Some parents tell me they want to “test” their kids - which I get. But at the same time, why not coach your kid rather than test them. There will be plenty of opportunities to see how they handle things - use winter break as a time to focus on the positives, and really praise their positive choices.

The final week of our winter break series is here! Join us as we dive into family traditions, forgiveness and gratitude!

Here’s your recap of all of our instagram posts for this week, all tidied up for you in one easy to find spot (and if you want to see this on insta, follow us over there @CounselingWithKelsey!)

Tip #10: Celebrate Family Traditions

You know what we love about the holiday season? All of the family traditions! Spending time with your kids and making memories can be just as fun and exciting for you as it is for them.

Whether it’s matching pjs, a pancake breakfast, or watching the same holiday movies every year, every tradition is special.

And, it's always an option to add to your family tradition repertoire. Ask your kids for suggestions for new traditions and maybe those will become fast favorites. What matters most is the time you’re spending together and the family bonding that the holiday season brings!

Winter Break! Has it started for you yet? Here are some suggestions of ways to tweak your plan and make sure that you’re comfortable dealing with the unexpected.

Here’s your recap of all of our instagram posts for this week, all tidied up for you in one easy to find spot (and if you want to see this on insta, follow us over there @CounselingWithKelsey!)

Tip 7: Set Clear Expectations

Winter break is here! Or for some families, just around the corner. Now that we're actually in it, it's a great time to review and re-set clear expectations for your kids.

Talk with them about what the liked or didn't like about winter break last year.

Re-evaluate your plan and your schedule of events.

Preemptively talk with your co-parent about how you'll handle meltdowns, fights, arguments, or anxiety outbursts in the different settings you'll be in.

Go through examples of logical consequences (you don't have a crystal ball, but you do know that types of challenges your kids normally face) and help your child come up with a plan for how to avoid the things that normally get them in trouble

And while yes, we may be doing a lot of warning, it's important to feel prepared so that you can set up winter break to be a fun time for everyone (or at least to have pockets of fun moments!)

Tip 8: Option to Opt Out

Hey, friends! Do you and your kids have a million things to do? Well, as a head's up - you always have the option to opt out. ALWAYS.

Welcome to week 2 of our 12 tips for winter break series! We’re here giving you our top tips for managing winter break at home with the kids. This week is all about emotional support - what to do and how to do it so that you don’t feel 100% overwhelmed.

Here’s your recap of all of our instagram posts for this week, all tidied up for you in one easy to find spot (and if you want to see this on insta, follow us over there @CounselingWithKelsey!)

Tip 4: Create Some Space to Chill Out

Relaxing is kind of hard to do as a parent - you need to be on top of everything. But over winter break, there are so many great opportunities to just take it down a notch and chill out. And when you take the time to relax (and take care of yourself), you’ll feel so much more ready to be calm for your kids.

As a parent you have a million things on your to do list already, so I hate to add one more… But maybe it helps to view this more as an opportunity instead of a demand! When we’re calm, our kids are easier to calm.

Even better - if you are stressed, and you take the time to acknowledge that to your children and demonstrate how you're planning to calm down, you are DIRECTLY SHOWING THEM what to do when they feel overwhelmed, too. Model what you want them to do! It'll be a huge help - we promise.

Tip 5: Relax

Ok, ok, you hear all the time from us that you need to relax. But how do you do it? Come up with your own totally customizable relaxation plan! Choose one strategy from each of the categories below and boom, you've got your plan. Let's walk you through it:

You’ll be seeing a lot of us this December! Here’s your recap of all of our instagram posts for this week, all tidied up for you in one easy to find spot (and if you want to see this on insta, follow us over there @CounselingWithKelsey!)

Winter break gives you a lot of unstructured time.

For kids and teens who run a little more anxious or overwhelmed, that unstructured time can lead to stress related behaviors. Yes, there’s a lot of fun to be had with family and presents and dinners and toys… and there’s a lot of potential for overwhelm.

When your kid is overwhelmed and acting out, it can feel like they’re ruining the holidays.

And you maybe feel bad for even thinking that… but the truth is, we put a lot of time and energy into making winter break and winter holidays fun. When things don’t go according to plan, or when we have our little one throwing a huge tantrum in front of your whole extended family, it can feel overwhelming for you as well!

How do we help with this?

We set up a framework for winter break that’s easy for everyone to follow.

This week!

We’re looking at cooking together, family traditions, and gratitude.

Tip 10: Cook Together

When you cook with your kids, you teach them fundamental skills - and you get this great opportunity to teach yourself patience as well. Make something fun, and take deep breaths when they spill the flour everywhere.

When you cook together, you provide this possibility of your child having a positive memory forever. I still remember my dad letting me cut up the apples for a Thanksgiving pie when I was 8. Or my grandma letting me bake cakes with friends in her kitchen during highschool. Small things have a big impact.

Tip 7: Read Together

Some of my fondest memories of my grandmother are when we’d sit down together on the couch, teacups in hand (lots of milk and sugar in mine), and she’d read to me. Brothers Grimm or Roald Dahl or something she’d heard about from her work as a librarian. I’m 30 and I still remember the smell of her clean shirt and how safe and comfortable I felt.

Reading is a simple way to build connection with your kid. We’re not in charge of what memories really stick with them. So why not provide as many opportunities for positive, peaceful memories as you can?

Tip 8: Arts and Crafts

This month I’m sharing 12 Tips to help parents manage behaviors (and still have fun!) over winter break!

Winter break gives you a lot of unstructured time.

For kids and teens who run a little more anxious or overwhelmed, that unstructured time can lead to stress related behaviors. Yes, there’s a lot of fun to be had with family and presents and dinners and toys… and there’s a lot of potential for overwhelm.

When your kid is overwhelmed and acting out, it can feel like they’re ruining the holidays.

And you maybe feel bad for even thinking that… but the truth is, we put a lot of time and energy into making winter break and winter holidays fun. When things don’t go according to plan, or when we have our little one throwing a huge tantrum in front of your whole extended family, it can feel overwhelming for you as well!

How do we help with this?

We set up a framework for winter break that’s easy for everyone to follow.

Tip 1: Prepare

Tip 2: Set Clear Expectations

Tip 3: Time Management