Anxiety disorders are a huge concern in college.

Stress disorders, self-harm, overwhelm and depression all become big concerns in college due to a couple of different factors: age, brain development, and the stress and independence that go hand in hand with starting college.

And rather than you being able to monitor any big changes in your student, you’re not there.

You only hear and know as much as they want to tell you. Whether you have serious concerns, or you just feel like you’re out of the loop, it’s tough to parent your college student and feel like you’re actually having an impact.

Parents will often reach out to me about their new college students, sharing concerns like:

• My college student never calls!

• I’m worried my college student has anxiety and depression.

• I’m not sure if my college student can manage stress.

• Is my college student depressed/anxious/too angry/too overwhelmed?

• And the ultimate concern: I don’t know how to help my college student deal with everything that’s going on.

It’s tough to figure out how to parent and deal with these concerns when your student no longer lives in your house. And even if you’ve noticed signs of anxiety in the past, the game plan can be so different when your child is in college vs. when they were at home.

So what can you do?

You have a lot of needs to meet as a parent.

You want your child to be fed, but fed the best version of homemade, organic, local and nutritious meals - and oh yeah, you have your own food blog to document this and help other families.

You want your child to have self-esteem, and you want that self-esteem built at a prestigious private school, which doesn’t come cheap. But you have to give your child every opportunity that you can!

You want your child to have friends, but the right friends - friends who are also considering top colleges, or looking at the peace corps, and you want your kid to be influenced by these very driven peers.

You set your child up for as much success as you can…

So what to you do when they still have anxiety, and it feels like your fault?

Does Anxiety Ever Really Go Away?

After 8 weeks of talking about anxiety at different ages, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed.

Or, maybe you just gulped down the information and are hungry for more.

But I think one of the tricky things we need to keep in mind about anxiety is that it never really goes away. It’s always there, even if it looks different from pre-school through college. As I say on my homepage, “Whether your pre-schooler has behavioral issues or your highschooler gets caught up in the small stuff…” I could include in that statement:

• Whether your child has separation anxiety or your college student is a perfectionist

• Whether your teen has anger management problems or your child gets tummy aches every other day

• Whether you feel overwhelmed and on edge, or you feel like you’re at the end of your rope parenting a child who gets so overwhelmed so quickly

Is my teen actually ready for college?

College is a big step for anyone, and especially for teens who have struggled emotionally throughout high school. Big transitions are difficult for anyone. And while your teen may be excited about this new adventure, you as a parent may be experiencing conflicting emotions.

On the one hand, you’re ready for them to succeed.

On the other, you worry that you haven’t done enough to prepare them.

Is the Drive to Succeed and Be the Best a Double Edged Sword?

Friends, I don’t know if I would own my private practice if I wasn’t a bit of a perfectionist. I’m not sure if I would have the drive to put in all of the time, energy, and effort into running a business if I didn’t feel this nervous undercurrent about being successful.

And at the same time, I know that anxiety feels like a motivator because it wants us to keep using it. It tricks us into feeling that we wouldn’t work without it.

So every day in my business, and every day that I’m working at home or checking emails past normal business hours, I take a step back and remind myself: I’m working hard because of my values, not because of my anxiety.

Because anxiety is always going to end up getting in the way.

It will grow too big and it will keep us from succeeding. Which is what we must teach our successful teenagers as well.

“My child won’t go to school anymore - now what?”

Children with anxiety often have trouble in the school setting, regardless of how that anxiety is presenting. You may have a child with separation anxiety, generalized anxiety, or specific fears about the school environment. All three of these diagnoses can play out in a myriad of ways - but regardless of how the anxiety looks, it can leave you feeling helpless as a parent.

Anxiety often becomes more noticeable in elementary school, because of the environment.

There’s a huge switch from getting to stay at home or in a small daycare to having to attend school 5 days of the week.

Parenting an anxious child can be anxiety provoking in and of itself.

And if you’re a parent who is already prone to anxiety, seeing your child develop their anxiety can bring up some uncomfortable emotions for yourself. Many parents I work with report feeling guilt, shame, anger, frustration, fear, sadness, and so on about the impact that their anxiety has on their kids.

But what if we took a step back from all the shame and guilt?

Let’s figure out what goes into anxiety before blaming ourselves.

“Am I making my child’s anxiety worse?”

“I always was anxious as a kid, and so I’m worried my child gets it from me.”

“I have anxiety, too, so I know it’s my fault.”

Parents often call me with these questions and comments. As a parent, it can be hard when you see your child struggling with the exact same issues that you had. You want to help them, and you also feel a little bit…guilty. Maybe it’s your fault they’re this way.

But it’s really not your fault

And feeling guilty, even if it makes sense, doesn’t make things easier. So let’s take a step back and figure out what is leading to your child’s anxiety in the first place.

Starting next week, we’ll begin our 8 week series on anxiety and parenting - and there’s a lot that we’ll be digging into:

1. The Building Blocks of Anxiety

2. Managing Your Own Anxiety as a Parent

3. Parenting Anxious Pre-Schoolers and Elementary Schoolers

4. Anxiety and Parenting a Child with Anger Management Issues (spoiler: it’s probably anxiety related as well!)

5. Perfectionism and Parenting Your Highschooler

6. Preparing Your Highschooler for College

7. Out of the Nest: How to Parent Your Anxiety-Driven College Student

8. Moving Forward and Next Steps

That’s a lot of info… so why am I covering all of this?