When does anxiety in children become a medical concern?You may notice that your child is a worrier. When you schedule a babysitter, your kid has prepared a list of interview questions to ask the sitter before being ok with it. When you're 5 minutes late to picking them up, they're in tears. They need to walk through any potential problems and come up with five solutions whenever faced with a new situation. You're happy to help! But when is it too much?

At one point or another, everyone will experience a loss or death - and some of us experience this in high school or college. So how do you deal with the aftermath? DABDA, social media, and reaching out - but there are considerations for everything. 

DABDA 

Many have heard of "the stages of grief"- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. However it's crucial to remember that this isn't a linear progression. You may move through stages in a different order. You may circle back. All of these feelings are acceptable, but allow yourself to recognize that there isn't a correct way or correct order to go through the aftermath of a death or loss in your life. …

Here you are, preparing for the big move: COLLEGE.

And this year is going to be different. You're excited about your coursework, you’re jazzed about meeting new people your age (yes, I'm the kind of lame therapist who uses words like "jazzed"), and you're pumped (also, "pumped") about all of the exciting new opportunities and challenges coming your way.

You've got goals! And plans! So how do you actually follow through on them in college?

Have SMART goals: make sure your resolution is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.

Before opening my private practice...

I worked in schools for a few years, and would often get paired with kids referred for anger management. They'd lose their temper, would knock over desks or run out of the room, and teachers were always at their wit's end.

Of course when that kid got called down to my office, they thought they were in trouble.

It took a few sessions for them to start realizing that I was on their side. And once they became more comfortable, they were willing to start opening up about all the different emotions they experienced. We'd build up relaxation strategies for these different strong feelings, and oftentimes just being told that they weren't the only kid like this helped them to feel better and more in control. One challenge, though, was getting parents and teachers on board to help them see and focus on the positive changes, rather than just the negative behaviors still occurring…

The more tips the better, right?

Mindfulness, yoga, and scheduling it in. Relaxation is great, but it's important to practice throughout the day. When you operate with anxiety, the baseline of your stress level is typically pretty high. You may have a small "window of tolerance," meaning stressors that seem small to others feel very big to you. So, let's look at my top three recommendations, which I share with all of my clients.

People pleasers unite! 

Unsurprisingly, people with anxiety in general tend to have social anxiety as well. And that need to be liked, that shaping of your behaviors and reactions to try and cultivate a positive response from another, is seen across the lifespan.

Some of this is healthy, such as matching tone or engaging in receptive communication, and some of this is unhealthy, like when we feel that we need approval in order to get on with our day. 

People with anxiety often already worry about the judgement of others. While you may have an idea that someone you know is suffering from symptoms of anxiety, it can be very hard for them to open up about this. They may try and mask their anxiety.

Everyone you know will experience a loss, death, or crisis in their life at one point or another. You absolutely will go through the same thing as well. So when you have a friend experiencing a big drastic sad change in their lives, remember to think through how you would want them to react to you, in the same situation. Read here for more tips...

Interested in counseling? You should make sure your therapist is willing to get your feedback.

One of the things I do as an LCSW is incorporate my clients' feedback into session. At the start of each session, I have my client tell me how their week was, how stuff has been with family and friends, how work/school has been, and an overall score for the week on a 1 to 10 scale. I want to make sure that things are staying the same or improving for my clients week to week, because that's how we can track if I'm an effective fit for them. This is called an "Outcome Rating Scale."

Step 2: Let your therapist know how THEY'RE doing. Even if that's uncomfortable...

Everyone experiences anxiety sometimes. It's a normal, healthy response to stressors.

If you are able to function well, participate in activities, and live your life without anxiety getting in the way, you are living with a "normal" level of anxiety. Of course, clinicians and therapists may be more aware of the small signs of anxiety because we're trained to recognize early cues. And even if anxiety isn't getting in the way of your life or your functioning, but it still feels present more days than not, you should consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist about anxiety management strategies.

We can't always predict when there will be a change to our schedule, our plans, or our life. But it's important to recognize that pre-schoolers may have a particularly hard time with changes both expected and unexpected. Read below for a few tips on how to set your preschooler up for success. 

Bullying in schools is common, and you may even be asking your children about it a lot. But what if your child won't tell you that they're being bullied? I recently collaborated on a Romper article, 7 Subtle Ways Your Kid Is Trying to Tell You They're Being Bullied. I find with younger kids especially that it's difficult for them to tell their parents outright that they're being bullied. While a lot of kids in class might say, "so and so is bullying me" or "stop being a bully!" they are usually talking about kids being rude or annoying. For children who are truly being bullied, meaning repeated physical, verbal, or emotional attacks, it's often very uncomfortable for them to acknowledge what's going on.

Anger and anxiety go hand-in-hand. For a child who experiences anxiety, their poor test grade may lead to a huge angry outburst. Or missing the goal at soccer practice may lead to them storming off the field. Their anxiety overruns their pre-frontal cortex, making it impossible for them to stop and think about their actions, and choose something different.

Your teen is successful at school, sports, and other extracurriculars. You've heard from other parents about the many challenges they experience with their teenager, and their concerns don't really resonate with you. While their adolescents may stay out late partying, engage in risky behaviors, or constantly argue with them, you feel like you have a pretty good relationship overall with your child. But you may be missing some crucial information about your teenager

We can all empathize with teens who just want their space - but sometimes, this gets in the way of you having a healthy relationship with your teenage son or daughter. These 6 tips are just the starting point! If you would like to hear more, or if you think your relationship with your teen goes beyond the scope of what's covered here, contact Kelsey to set up your free 15-minute phone consultation. Kelsey works with teens from her office in Webster Groves, MO.

Some people want a quick fix. Anxiety, like many other concerns, can take time to address and manage. Medication can be an important component of managing anxiety, but it's not an instant solution, and there are many steps you can take beforehand.

What is anxiety? We know the classic signs, but many people miss important clues that they are dealing with their own anxiety. Frustration, depression, and isolation may also indicate that you need some support for managing your own anxiety. What are your next steps?

Counseling is all about making connections and figuring out goals. I work one-on-one with children and teens to make real change happen, but it's also important to take the time and see if your goals for your child or teen are the same as their goals for themselves.