The Stress of Socializing
Social Anxiety Therapy for Teens and College Students
When you have anxiety, it’s easy to worry about what other people think of you.
“Did I sound weird just now?”
“Do they like me or dislike me?”
“Do they think I’m acting really awkward?”
“Do I seem genuine?”
“Do I seem smart?”
“Do I seem nice?”
“They probably know I’m thinking about myself right now, I must seem selfish!”
Having social anxiety is no fun. It gets in the way of you meeting new people, and it can get in the way of you enjoying your friends.
Social anxiety can impact you in school, when you practice your answer 5 times before raising your hand - and your teacher has already moved on.
Social anxiety can impact you in sports, when your teammates come up to say “Good game” and you wonder if they’re just being sarcastic.
Social anxiety can impact you at home, when you feel so awkward around your parents, and they think you’re just being rude.
It can bleed into every situation across the board. So how do you fix it?
Tips for how to socialize when you have social anxiety:
Tip #1: Remember that nobody cares about you as much as you do.
Not to be rude or anything, but people are super self-centered! We’re designed to be. Call it a self preservation mechanism. We’re so focused on ourselves that it’s impossible to be super clued in to what everyone else is doing, acting, thinking, or feeling. So while you’re hyper-focused on yourself and how you’re coming across, it’s very possible that the person you’re interacting with is worrying about themselves, too.
Tip #2: You’re not a mind reader, I promise.
Even if it seems like someone is judging you, or thinking poorly of you, you don’t actually know. We can only go off of the information we get on the outside, and how it makes us feel on the inside. If your anxious mind is saying, “So and so doesn’t like me!” your brain is going to try and pick up on any non-verbal clue that proves this fear. But what if you said, “I’m worried so and so doesn’t like me, but I guess I don’t actually know yet”? You might still be focused on them, or you might be able to let your fears go a whole lot easier.
Tip #3: Even if someone doesn’t like you… so what?
You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea! It’s impossible to please everyone! Instead, you want to focus on how to live a fulfilling life for you. So rather than trying to present a certain way, or say things a particular way, or stop yourself from talking because you don’t want someone to dislike you - just focus on living a genuine life. Do what feels right to you.
What if I’m angry rather than socially anxious?
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you probably already know that anger and anxiety can go hand in hand. When we feel angry, our heart pounds, our muscles tense, and our breathing gets really fast or feels like it stops.
What about when we get anxious? Well, our heart pounds, our muscles tense, and our breathing gets really fast… or feels like it stops. And no, that’s not an accidental editing error!
Physiologically, anger and anxiety can feel exactly the same. That means it’s super easy to get our wires crossed.
On a subconscious level, we might even think that we’re not anxious around people, but rather that people make us mad!
We might decide that we don’t like them, before they could ever turn around and dislike us.
And we might decide that it’s easier not to engage at all - and your brain tells you it’s not because you’re scared, you just don’t want to lose your temper.
But actually, if lots of other people make you mad to the point that you avoid them, you might not have an anger problem - you might have a social anxiety problem.
And the above tips work just the same. You have to take a step back and figure out what’s going on, vs just jumping to conclusions, and you have to calm down enough to figure out the best next step.
What to do when these tips aren’t enough:
Brandi Wilson, PLPC is one of our go-to’s at Compassionate Counseling STL for anxious teens and college students.
If you’re trying out these tips and you’re still noticing that your social anxiety is holding you back, it might be time to meet with a therapist, and ideally a therapist who specializes in working with anxiety.
Our team at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis works with anxiety for kids, teens, and college students, and we spend a ton of time digging in to and working with social anxiety issues.
To set up a call and see if we might be a good fit, you can schedule right on our website.
And remember, having social anxiety or feeling awkward around people doesn’t make you weird. It’s perfectly normal.
And it’s really, really common. So take a deep breath, recognize that this is just your brain’s way of trying to protect you, and move forward - with help if you need it.
Does this sound like you? Having trouble with social anxiety? Our therapists are here to help. We serve college students throughout the St. Louis area, and offer virtual therapy throughout Missouri. Schedule a free phone consultation right on our website, at compassionatecounselingstl.com/contact.
