Tips for Anxiety Therapists: Angry Clients In Session
When you’re an anxiety therapist, you’re probably going to encounter a few angry clients.
It can feel scary when someone is angry at you! And if you’re a therapist, or even just an empathetic parent of an anxious kid or teen, the anger that’s being directed at you will probably bring up some internal emotions as well. Even if you hide it, that elevated emotion is going to be elevating your own levels of anxiety, panic, or fear.
Image licensed from Unsplash, artist: Afif Kusuma @javaistan
Rarely if ever is a person just angry. There’s usually something going underneath the surface.
I specialize in treating anxiety-driven anger in teens and college students, and our practice, Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, works with children, teens, and young adults from age 4 on up.
Those kids and teens who present as angry, even in session, are often dealing with an underlying anxiety or stress disorder. Remember fight/flight/freeze? It’s so easy to recognize that running away or freezing are anxiety reactions. As therapists, we often forget that fight is an equally valid reaction - one that might even be coming up in session.
Tip #1: Think of anger as just the surface level
Just like a dandelion growing in a field, the anger at the top is super apparent, but there are deep roots underneath it that are feeding the anger. Maybe those roots include emotional issues like anxiety, stress, or even trauma. If we’re not digging out the roots and addressing the deeper issues underneath the anger, that dandelion is going to keep coming back up.
Tip #2: Elicit feedback and open the lines of communication
When your client is using anger towards you, ask them if they’re just angry, or if it’s something else. Invite feedback and encourage exploration. “You seem pretty angry right now. Is that fair to say, or are you feeling something else? Whatever it is, it’s ok.” By expressing empathy for their emotions, you give them room to share if there are other feelings coming up - such as anxiety, stress, or depression.
Tip #3: Help your client to calm down
After you’ve helped them identify their true feelings (hopefully taking some of the heat out of their emotional expression), underneath any explosive outburst, you’ll want to help them relax. Over the course of treatment, you’ll focus on building a robust set of coping skills so that they have many tools at the ready. But if this is an early session, a quick relaxation tool is deep breathing. As the therapist, you can model diaphragmatic breathing and ask the client to join you whenever they feel ready. If we’re calm as the therapist, we can more easily help the client self-regulate.
After calming down and lowering the emotional level, the two of you can strategize. What made them upset? What can you two do next time? How can they communicate their feelings with you before they get to that level again? And long term, what should treatment be focused on to help them, moving forward? You want to empower the client to take the lead on this step, providing some guidance while helping them take ownership of the problem and their solution.
The Three Step Approach
Anxiety Therapist Kelsey Torgerson Dunn’s book, When Anxiety Makes You Angry
In my book, When Anxiety Makes You Angry, I walk teens through this very same three step approach of identifying their emotions, calming down, and then game planning. Breaking it down to these three steps, and putting them in a logical order helps the client regulate their emotions. When you break this down during sessions, within your therapeutic space, you teach them a powerful framework to manage their anger and anxiety in the real world.
Hungry for more info?
In St. Louis, I offer a training to therapists on identifying and treating anxiety-driven anger. Learn more and apply here.
You’ll also want to check out our blog archives for all the info on anxiety-driven anger, the three step approach, and incorporating mindfulness/meditation activities (so that your coping skills toolbox is very robust!)
And if you’re looking to refer kids, teens, and college students to anxiety therapist who specialize in work with angry, anxious kids and teens, you can direct them to our contact page, www.compassionatecounselingstl.com/contact, to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation.
Anxiety therapist Kelsey Torgerson Dunn is the author of When Anxiety Makes You Angry.
Curious to learn more about anxiety therapy in St. Louis? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis provides specialized anger management and anxiety therapy in St. Louis. \We work in Clayton, MO and serve kids, teens, and college students throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Coeur, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. You can set up your free phone screening to see if we’re a good fit for your needs right on our website.
