How Can I Help My Child With Social Anxiety?
Supporting your child with social anxiety
It can be overwhelming for a child experiencing social anxiety while not understanding what it is or how to cope. It can also be frustrating for you, as the parent, to deal with the many challenges of social anxiety. Since social anxiety can manifest in a lot of different ways, it’s important to learn what it is and how it looks, so that you can best support your child in dealing with it.
What is social anxiety?
The classic understanding of Social Anxiety Disorder is the fear of new people, social situations, and judgement. So you can imagine how distressing this might be for kids as they navigate going to school. Our therapists are anxiety and anger management specialists, and so they often see a link between the two, Social anxiety from the anger management lens looks more like kids preemptively judging others, avoiding them or having an attitude of, “I don’t have to worry if they don’t like me, because I already don't like them first.”
The confusion between social anxiety and shyness is common, but the difference is rooted in the why behind their actions.
It’s common for kids to be nervous before social experiences! The first day of school, soccer tryouts, reading aloud in class, etc. can all lead to overwhelm and nerves, so it can be hard to differentiate between shyness and social anxiety. Many kids who are shy do not have negative feelings and can “warm up” to people and situations after a certain amount of a time. Being shy is also considered a personality trait. Your child may not like being the center of attention but social situations do not cause them distress.
Kids experiencing social anxiety might try to avoid social settings altogether. The fear of how other kids will think of them is larger than their want or need to be involved. Even if they love playing soccer at home, they may not think it’s worth it to play on a team and risk any judgement.
What are some signs that my child might have social anxiety?
It’s important to remember that all kids handle things differently! Some kids show physical symptoms like nausea, sweating, blushing, shaky voice or difficulty speaking, and others experience their anxiety under the surface, with panicked thoughts that they might not express.
Since social anxiety is rooted in this fear of judgement, it’s common for kids to want to hide their symptoms, because they don’t want to bring more attention (and potential criticism) to themselves.
It’s possible that your child may be experiencing social anxiety if you notice:
Your child avoiding social settings
Angry outbursts surrounding events or certain situations
Intense dread of going to school or clubs
Clinging to familiar people
Having difficulty meeting other children
How can I help my socially anxious child?
Identify and Empathize: For you, as a parent, it’s important to help your child identify what’s going on in a calm, compassionate way. If you’ve noticed an increase in angry outbursts, remember that this may be anxiety related, too. Help your child notice that they might be experiencing anxiety about this social situation, and normalize it. “It seems like you might be feeling anxious about meeting these new people. That’s ok! I always get nervous around new people, too.”
Calm Down: Once you’ve identified what’s probably going on, help your child to calm down. A really easy way to do this is to take five deep breaths with your child. We can all sometimes forget the power of deep breathing for relaxation!
Game Plan: Social anxiety is all about how they think they’re going to be perceived. Talking with your kids about their fears will help them to express themselves, AND it gives you an opportunity to help reframe their thoughts.
Therapy can help.
Sometimes, social anxiety feels too big to deal with on your own as a parent. Sometimes you need help figuring out what’s going on and what to do about it. That’s where counseling comes in - and it’s especially helpful when you can work with a counselor who specializes in child anxiety.
We’d love to help your child find ways to manage their social anxiety! Learn more here and reach out to schedule a free consultation to decide if counseling is right for your family.
Social anxiety may feel overwhelming but getting your child help will make them realize they don’t have to deal with their intense emotions on their own! Sometimes, talking about emotions is the best way to overcome difficult situations.
Lauren Goldberger is a Master of Social Work (MSW) student at University of Missouri St. Louis, and the administrative assistant and intake coordinator at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis.
Curious to hear more, or are you a little reluctant about counseling? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis provides specialized anxiety and anger management therapy for kids, teens, and college students. We work in Clayton, MO and serve kids, teens, and college students throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Coeur, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. You can set up your free phone screening to see if we’re a good fit for your needs right on our website.
Thumbnail image provided by: Sharon McCutcheon