When your child is angry, anxious, or easily overwhelmed, you do your best as a parent - and sometimes it feels like too much. That’s where parent coaching comes in.

Parent coaching is a way for you to get direct feedback and advice on how best to manage your child’s behaviors and emotions, along with recognizing the family dynamic. It’s like having a really supportive therapist just for your parenting. And we have a fabulous resource online and in St. Louis - Nicole Schwarz!

For some kids with anxiety and anger management, individual therapy is the best bet. We can work individually to help them build the skills they need to manage their emotions before they feel too big.

For other kids, individual therapy helps, but it’s not enough on its own. That’s where parent coaching comes in.

Read below to learn more about how Nicole works with parent coaching tailored to parenting styles.

I often refer people who are parenting anxious children to Nicole, because of her understanding and empathetic approach. I’m so excited to share this interview with you all!

Why did you choose to become a Parent Coach in St. Louis?

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Parent Coach. I started my career as a therapist working with children, teens, and families because I wanted to provide kids with tools and support early in their development. However, over time, I realized my favorite way to support kids was to empower their parents. I no longer provide mental health therapy, instead focusing on giving parents tools and education through Parent Coaching.

What kind of treatment do you provide?

I provide Parent Coaching which is personalized support, education, strategies, and encouragement to help you parent well through the difficult stages of child development. My coaching philosophy is rooted in Positive or Respectful Parenting, which focuses on brain research, connection, and teaching - rather than consequences or punishments.

Winter Break Tip #1 - Think Through Last Year

Our top tip for parents is to PLAN AHEAD. What went well last year? What were the challenges? What do you want to try out differently this time?

You can’t prepare for everything, but you can set a great plan for winter break. Prep your schedule for these upcoming weeks - what’s going to happen and when? Go through this schedule with your kids. Figure out what time will be structured and what time will be unstructured. And, prepare your expectations and time management.

Winter Break Tip #2 - Prepare

When you have expectations for your child’s behavior, it’s important to set your kid up for success. Some parents tell me they want to “test” their kids - which I get. But at the same time, why not coach your kid rather than test them. There will be plenty of opportunities to see how they handle things - use winter break as a time to focus on the positives, and really praise their positive choices.

Teenagers do a really good job when it comes to keeping parents out of the loop.

Part of it is just how teens are designed to be. They’re meant to be maturing on their own, increasing their independence, and building up their self-reliance. You want your teen to be able to start solving problems on their own. You need your teen to be able to figure out action steps to reach their goals.

But wanting your teen to grow in independence doesn’t mean you never want to know what’s going on.

You want your teen to come to you for support, too. You want to help them with their problems. You want to know when they need help.

Teens, especially teenagers with anxiety, can feel too overwhelmed to reach out for support.

So it’s crucial for you as the parent to provide opportunities for them to check in, and to be on the lookout for hidden signs of anxiety.

You know your child’s not just angry. There’s something going on underneath the surface, too.

And a lot of times, that anger is masking anxiety, stress, and overwhelm.

When kids and teens (and even adults, too!) get anxious, their brains and bodies start to take over. Their fight/flight/freeze response gets activated.

That means for some kids, when they feel scared, they look scared.

The run away (flight) or totally shut down and clam up (freeze).

For many of us, our fight reaction takes over.

And instead of just looking scared on the outside, we look MAD. We look like we’re ready to get into a fight and defend ourselves. We’re ready to yell, or scream, or call you bad names, and we have a very, very hard time calming down.

So how can you integrate games to help your child build up their anxiety and anger management skills?

Does Anxiety Ever Really Go Away?

After 8 weeks of talking about anxiety at different ages, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed.

Or, maybe you just gulped down the information and are hungry for more.

But I think one of the tricky things we need to keep in mind about anxiety is that it never really goes away. It’s always there, even if it looks different from pre-school through college. As I say on my homepage, “Whether your pre-schooler has behavioral issues or your highschooler gets caught up in the small stuff…” I could include in that statement:

• Whether your child has separation anxiety or your college student is a perfectionist

• Whether your teen has anger management problems or your child gets tummy aches every other day

• Whether you feel overwhelmed and on edge, or you feel like you’re at the end of your rope parenting a child who gets so overwhelmed so quickly

This week!

We’re looking at cooking together, family traditions, and gratitude.

Tip 10: Cook Together

When you cook with your kids, you teach them fundamental skills - and you get this great opportunity to teach yourself patience as well. Make something fun, and take deep breaths when they spill the flour everywhere.

When you cook together, you provide this possibility of your child having a positive memory forever. I still remember my dad letting me cut up the apples for a Thanksgiving pie when I was 8. Or my grandma letting me bake cakes with friends in her kitchen during highschool. Small things have a big impact.

Tip 7: Read Together

Some of my fondest memories of my grandmother are when we’d sit down together on the couch, teacups in hand (lots of milk and sugar in mine), and she’d read to me. Brothers Grimm or Roald Dahl or something she’d heard about from her work as a librarian. I’m 30 and I still remember the smell of her clean shirt and how safe and comfortable I felt.

Reading is a simple way to build connection with your kid. We’re not in charge of what memories really stick with them. So why not provide as many opportunities for positive, peaceful memories as you can?

Tip 8: Arts and Crafts