We see it coming every year. Our phones ring off the hook when spring time is on the horizon, as parents wonder how to prepare their anxious teen for college. Heading off to school can be an exciting time! But all of those new responsibilities, freedom, and big changes can also be overwhelming. We want to make sure that your teen is as prepared as possible!

Why is it important to start getting your teen ready for college now?

You might be thinking that you have plenty of time to ensure your teen is prepared for college. It’s only March! Your teen isn’t set to be on campus until mid August. What’s the rush?

Well, if you have an anxious teen, you know that preparing for something sooner rather than later is always a good idea. Having proper support in place early on, will make the transition for your teen seem more doable and approachable. Not to mention, it will also help lessen the overwhelm when they have an idea of what to expect and the change isn’t happening all at one time.

At one point or another, everyone will experience a loss or death - and some of us experience this in high school or college. So how do you deal with the aftermath?

There’s not one right way to get through this:

Many have heard of "the stages of grief": denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. However it's crucial to remember that this isn't a linear progression. You may move through stages in a different order. You may circle back. All of these feelings are acceptable, but allow yourself to recognize that there isn't a correct way or correct order to go through the aftermath of a death or loss in your life.

It’s winter in St. Louis and, as happens every year, we’re getting more and more calls from anxious teens and college students concerned that they might have depression. 

Right off the bat, it’s important to know that we can’t diagnose depression just based on a few concerns or a phonecall. But it’s important to know that depression is on the rise for kids and teens, and depression is a serious mental illness. And, we can figure out some good next steps depending on what you’re noticing (which is why we schedule free 15-minute phone screenings if you’re wondering whether or not counseling is a good next step for you). 

Why do anxiety and depression go hand-in-hand?

Anxiety and depression can go hand in hand for many teens and college students. For some, one seems more apparent than the other and is more of the primary concern. For others, both seem to be equally impacting what’s going on.

Does Anxiety Ever Really Go Away?

After 8 weeks of talking about anxiety at different ages, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed.

Or, maybe you just gulped down the information and are hungry for more.

But I think one of the tricky things we need to keep in mind about anxiety is that it never really goes away. It’s always there, even if it looks different from pre-school through college. As I say on my homepage, “Whether your pre-schooler has behavioral issues or your highschooler gets caught up in the small stuff…” I could include in that statement:

• Whether your child has separation anxiety or your college student is a perfectionist

• Whether your teen has anger management problems or your child gets tummy aches every other day

• Whether you feel overwhelmed and on edge, or you feel like you’re at the end of your rope parenting a child who gets so overwhelmed so quickly

Is my teen actually ready for college?

College is a big step for anyone, and especially for teens who have struggled emotionally throughout high school. Big transitions are difficult for anyone. And while your teen may be excited about this new adventure, you as a parent may be experiencing conflicting emotions.

On the one hand, you’re ready for them to succeed.

On the other, you worry that you haven’t done enough to prepare them.

Is the Drive to Succeed and Be the Best a Double Edged Sword?

Friends, I don’t know if I would own my private practice if I wasn’t a bit of a perfectionist. I’m not sure if I would have the drive to put in all of the time, energy, and effort into running a business if I didn’t feel this nervous undercurrent about being successful.

And at the same time, I know that anxiety feels like a motivator because it wants us to keep using it. It tricks us into feeling that we wouldn’t work without it.

So every day in my business, and every day that I’m working at home or checking emails past normal business hours, I take a step back and remind myself: I’m working hard because of my values, not because of my anxiety.

Because anxiety is always going to end up getting in the way.

It will grow too big and it will keep us from succeeding. Which is what we must teach our successful teenagers as well.

One of the most important components of stress management and a busy schedule is prioritizing.

A lot of the anxious, perfectionist teens and college students I work with feel overwhelmed by the amount of things to get done during the busy school year.

Rather than letting all of those tasks feel insurmountable, you can break down what needs to be done and when. Figure out the steps needed to reach your goal, and keep those steps really specific and time-sensitive (such as, "I need to research 10 articles for this upcoming history paper by Tuesday," vs. just "I need to start work on my history paper.")

Productivity is crucial, but so is restorative time.

It's also important for teens and college students to build in lots of self-regulation and coping time. So, schedule it in.

Along with breaking down homework into manageable, tasks, add 5 or 10 minutes of a guided meditation, walk outside, or listening to calm music.

How much privacy should you give your children, and how does this vary by age?

As your child gets older, you should increase the amount of privacy they have, while still monitoring what's going on. We need to teach our teenagers increased independence, and part of this involves increased responsibility and less checking in. However, if your teen is breaking agreed upon family rules about curfew or location, I do think it's ok for parents to supply a logical consequence: increased monitoring.

Should you let your children know about the tracking devices you put on their phones?

The fact of the matter is, kids and teens can be pretty good at hiding things if they don't trust you to handle the information the way they want you to. So rather than sneaking around, I encourage parents to be very upfront about privacy policies in their house.

This can involve rules like, "We'll put a tracker on your phone, and we'll monitor it once on the weekends." Or "We're allowed to check your texts each night at a set time."

Most parents feel a little disconnected from their teen.

But that doesn't mean that your teenager should shut you out all the time, or that you shouldn't continue to make an effort to engage with them. There is a balance between giving them space to develop into the independent adults they'll become, and supporting their growth and development with regular check ins.

This can be especially difficult if your teen is often angry, at you and/or at others.

Below you'll find a few tips for helping your teen open up to you more, even if they have problems coping with their anger.

One of the most important components of stress management and a busy schedule is prioritizing.

A lot of the anxious, perfectionist teens I work with feel overwhelmed by the amount of things to get done during the busy school year.

Rather than letting all of those tasks feel insurmountable, you can break down what needs to be done and when.

Step by step.

Figure out the steps needed to reach your goal, and keep those steps really specific and time-sensitive (such as, "I need to research 10 articles for this upcoming history paper by Tuesday," vs. just "I need to start work on my history paper.")

Perfectionist kids, teens, and college students have trouble ignoring their perfectionistic tendencies and focusing on the challenge at hand.

Our brains prevent us from fully engaging because they get so worried about what a poor grade, poor score, or poor performance means about us. Many times, the kids and teens I work with will engage in an anxious spiral. It usually looks something like:

• If I get less than an A on this test, that means I have a bad grade

• If I have a bad grade, that means I’m doing poorly in this class

• I might even fail this class

• And other classes

• And I’ll barely graduate highschool

• And I won’t get into the college I want

• And I won’t be able to go to medical school

• Which means I’ll never be a doctor

• My life will be ruined

But when we take a step back, we can see that the anxiety spiral is little bit out of control.

There’s no way, when we use logic, that getting less than an A on your test means that you’re life is ruined. Our anxious minds just tell us this because they want us to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

At one point or another, everyone will experience a loss or death - and some of us experience this in high school or college. So how do you deal with the aftermath? DABDA, social media, and reaching out - but there are considerations for everything. 

DABDA 

Many have heard of "the stages of grief"- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. However it's crucial to remember that this isn't a linear progression. You may move through stages in a different order. You may circle back. All of these feelings are acceptable, but allow yourself to recognize that there isn't a correct way or correct order to go through the aftermath of a death or loss in your life. …

When you're looking down the road at another school year, fast approaching, you may be experiencing anxiety. For those of us with more anxious minds, our thoughts start spinning on to "what else can I do, what's coming next, what do I have to worry about, what is going to go wrong this year..."

That's stressful!

So what can you do about it? …

So, here are some tips for starting the school year off right.

Some kids are a little embarrassed to have to go to therapy…

but nine times out of ten they become more comfortable with it after the initial session. On top of that, in my professional experience, younger children are super excited to go to counseling because they view it as an opportunity to play and hang out one-on-one with a safe grown up, and through counseling they learn the skills and tools needed to help manage their anxiety.

Why do kids immediately think the worst about a situation or another child's or teen's actions?

Kids and teens often jump to the worst case scenario when their minds run a little anxious. It’s a self-preservation technique on overdrive. Their anxious mind assumes “so and so pushed me on purpose,” or “those kids laughing in class must be laughing at me,” which leads to a fight, flight, or freeze response.

In part 1, we focus on why it's important to cut down on tech use.

Anxiety often leads to self-medicating behaviors, and one of the biggest behaviors for kids and teens is social media usage.

What happens physically/mentally when you quit social media or go on a tech cleanse?

Going on a cleanse from media it’s pretty stressful. When you’re looking at curbing an addictive behavior, the first few days are the hardest. Then it gets easier, and then it gets harder again when your brain catches up and realizes that this isn’t just a temporary measure.

Because I specialize in anxiety, I know how frequently addictive behaviors can co-occur.

I even have clients on my schedule specifically because of their media addiction, with anxiety as the underlying concern. So, I was so happy to talk with Huffington Post earlier this year on "going dry for a month" regarding tech, social media, and smartphones.

The reason addictive behaviors can occur so frequently is because anxiety is tough to deal with. And an anxious mind feels better when it’s distracting itself with media, sugar, or alcohol. All can be self-medicating behaviors.

During a panic attack, your brain and body respond with a fight/flight/freeze response. 

Typically, you'll notice your heart rate increase, breathing will become more shallow, and your muscles will tense up. You'll experience a strong urge to fight or run away, or you may feel frozen in the situation.

What else could be going on?

Those physical cues of a panic attack could be cause by another medical concern