How To Use Games to Help Anxious, Angry Kids: Part 2
As anxiety counselors in St. Louis, we know that games work as anxiety treatment and anger management, too.
As we discussed in last week’s post, when we use play interventions, we focus on three things:
Building our relationship
Following the rules
Practicing self-regulation
Games provide us a great opportunity to help model rule following, to process frustration as it arises, to build self regulation, and to build up our parent/child relationship.
Below, you’ll find 25 of our favorite games to incorporate at home, including a few that we use as anxiety therapists in the office.
In March, we made the move to all teletherapy in order to practice safe social distancing in the midst of the coronavirus - so, some of these games have actually been working really well through video means, too.
In addition to games we use in here, we also reached out to a national group of play therapists, who have passed along their recommendations. We’re so excited to share this huge resource list with you!
Games are used in play therapy (with a RPT), and in therapy that incorporates play.
Learn more about our RPT in training on our staff page!
Turn Taking Games:
Uno:
We love Uno! Great for all ages. You can also integrate some affective identification into this - discuss a time you felt mad when you play a red card, or a time you felt sad when you play a blue card. Identify feelings when you play a “draw 4” or your child has played a wild card. Model good sportsmanship, and poor sportsmanship, then ask your child what you should be doing differently.
Simon Says:
Kids love Simon says. I used to play this as a classroom therapist a ton. When it’s your turn, have your Simon Says directions include relaxation. “Simon says, take a big breath in through your nose and a slow breath out through your mouth. Simon says stretch your muscles and then let them all go loose, like spaghetti.” I always end the game with, “Simon says give yourself a round of applause,” clapping my hands around in a circle. I don’t know if all the kids get the joke, but I think it’s funny!
Sorry:
Talk about verbal and nonverbal communication. Saying “Sorry!” with a grimace, vs “sOrRyyyy…” while rolling your eyes, are very different, right? Explore this with your kid. But have fun with it! Your “sorry” doesn’t have to be 100% genuine during this game, that’s what makes it funny!
Red Light Green Light:
We love games where you start with an established leader, because this really helps kids who feel like they have to be in control (often a sign of over-control and anxiety). You start as the parent, to make sure that you’re setting the standard, but you get to decide if it’s more beneficial to hold your boundaries and send the kid back, or if it’s more important to be silly and let your kid make it to you much faster than they’d ever let you make it to them.
I Spy:
Get creative with I Spy, beyond just seeing something red or something fuzzy. Incorporate, “I spy something that makes you feel happy when you use it!” or “I spy something that looks like it would be really soft and relaxing.”
Chutes and Ladders:
We love using Chutes and Ladders to talk about:
Consequences, both positive and negative
Choices
The impulse control strategy, “Stop and Think”
Examples: You chose to rescue this cat from the tree, and so the positive consequence was to make the cat feel really happy and safe - and you also got to go up the huge ladder! You chose to jump around a cold puddle, and the negative consequence was getting sick. When our bodies feel really overwhelmed, we might want to eat a whole cake, just like the kid in this picture! Let’s stop and think. Why would that be a bad idea? What should we do instead?
Candyland:
Candyland is a great game for practicing frustration tolerance. How annoying is it to be so close to the end, and then have to go alllllll the way back to the gumdrop forest, you know? As an anxiety specialist, I also like to incorporate emotional identification: “Oh man, I’m feeling really nervous about drawing a card now!” or “Wowww, I’m so excited that you got all the way to Princess Lollypop! I’m a little bit disappointed for myself, to be honest, but I’m happy for you, too! Isn’t it cool that we can feel more than one feeling at the same time?”
Guess Who?
Guess Who is a great game for building logic, and for practicing rule following skills. If my person doesn’t have a hat, then you have to put down all the people… with hats! If your person has red hair, I’m going to put down all the people… without red hair. You’ll want to double check that your child clearly understands what they need to do. And if mistakes get made, that’s ok! Problem solve and figure out what you should do differently next time.
What Are You Thinking??
A favorite for virtual sessions (and great for long car rides). It’s kind of like 20 questions, but you and your child will take turns thinking of anything. Start the game by saying, “What am I thinking?? I’m thinking of something/someone that…” and tell your child what kind of thing you’re thinking of. A superhero? A movie? A food? Then have your child ask clarifying questions to try and figure out what you’re thinking. Somehow, the kids I work with are 10 times better at this game than I am.
There's A Yeti In My Spaghetti:
A recommended game from our fellow play therapists that we haven’t had a chance to play yet at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis. Great for building fine motor skills, frustration tolerance, and being a good sport.
Shut the Box:
Good for ages 6-8. Another recommendation from our National Play Therapists online group. Builds comfort and fun in working with number, is based on an actual pirate dice game, and has quick rounds (which is great when you want to build rapport and skills with your kid, but you don’t want to have to play a game for forever.)
Silly Sausage:
Recommended from the play therapists group! Fast paced, great for building attention, concentration, and listening skills.
The Stinky Pig Game:
Another recommendation, for all ages. “This game is like ‘hot potato’ but instead if a potato, a vinyl pig singing a song is passed around while everyone sits in a circle as fast as you can ....and unexpectedly the pig ‘toots’ on someone who is then out until one person is left who has not been ‘tooted’ on. Especially great for families with parents/grandparents who have a lot of stress and maybe never had opportunities themselves as children to play and laugh... parents and grandparents often love this more than even the youngest kids in the family.”
Collaborative Games:
Head and Body Drawing:
I draw a body, and fold over my paper. The kid draws a head on the neck. We open the picture. We laugh. This is a silly little drawing game that I used to play all the time with my grandmother - and I still remember it and love it!
Catch:
How do you turn catch into a collaborative project? Focus less on who drops it, and more on how many catches you can do in a row. Each catch, take a step back, and then move further away. See how far the two of you can go, together - and when it drops, plan out what you both could do differently next time. Note for parents: make sure you’re not just jumping in to teach your kid - let them make suggestions and problem solve, too!
Boggle:
Boggle is great to work on spelling skills. Instead of who can find the most words, work on spelling together!
Balloon Volleyball:
Blow up a balloon and play volleyball. Then play volleyball on your hands and knees. Then play volleyball laying on the floor. Then try it on the floor only using your feet. Rather than trying to get it to drop on the other player’s side, see how long you two can work together to keep the balloon in the air.
Peaceable Kingdom:
A group of games, sold on amazon and with a website. Our play therapy group recommended Race To the Treasure!
Jenga:
While Jenga is often a competitive game, you can modify it to become a family collaborative game. How big can you build the tower together? How can you work together as a team?
Feed the Woozle:
Recommended by our national play therapists group. Great for young children, aged 3-6. The team works together to feed the woozle, and it builds in some fun movement.
Modifications:
Turn taking games can easily be turned into a collaborative game when you share the same game piece, or play on teams.
Free Form Fun:
Dance Parties/Freeze Dance:
Just dance together and get some good movement in! Go wild! To do a freeze dance, have your kids dance together during a fun song on youtube, and then all of a sudden, press the space bar to freeze the video. We used to do this a ton in the kindergarten classrooms - kids would get so silly. Just a great stress relief.
Squiggle Art:
Grab a big piece of paper, and have your child close your eyes. Have them squiggle an outline all over the picture, and when it feels done, go ahead and color in each little piece with its own color, together. Display your collaborative art somewhere nice!
Play Doh Guess What:
Do a little play doh sculpture, but set a timer for one minute. At the end of the minute, guess what your child sculpted, and have them guess what you sculpt! It’s - again - not a right or wrong thing, just an opportunity to be silly and have fun, and build up your relationship.
Sensory Activities:
Sensory activities incorporate all 5 senses, and are a great way to tune into what’s going on at a physical level. Kids (and parents!) with anxiety often get more caught up with what’s going on cognitively. Incorporate touch and impulse control with bubbles (pop them with your finger! now your elbow! now just your nose!), soothing touch with lotion (can you guess what shape I’m drawing on your hand right now?), taste (let’s see how long we can keep this chocolate kiss on our tongue without eating it), and sound (what does this music make your body want to express? What about this music?)
The Mirror Game:
Have your child mirror your movements. Go fast and slow. Then switch. You really have to attune to the other person to move in alignment.
Games are a great way to build your relationship, follow the rules, and increase stress management.
And they’re even better when you get to have fun, too!
We love coaching parents on how to integrate games at home, because we know they make such a big difference in building up that parent/child relationship. You need a really solid foundation to help build up compliance, and to encourage your child to open up to you down the road when problems happen.
Kelsey Torgerson Dunn, MSW, LCSW is the owner of Compassionate Counseling St. Louis.
Curious to hear more about anger and anxiety counseling for kids? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis provides specialized therapy for kids, teens, and college students. We work in Clayton, MO and serve kids, teens, and college students throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Coeur, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. You can set up your free phone screening to see if we’re a good fit for your needs right on our website.
Thumbnail Image Credit: Insung Yoon