There is help for anxious and high achieving students!

One of our favorite interventions to teach parents, and kids and teens, was created by me and is called The Three Step Approach. You can read tons more about it here, and in my book, When Anxiety Makes You Angry. But today, we’re doing a video walk through!

Learn more about Molly Shaffer, our trauma therapist.

How can you prepare for school this year?

It’s hard to plan for anything these days and you might notice feelings of anxiety or overwhelm more often than you have before. With school back in session, your kids are likely feeling this too. School looks very different from years past, so the typical anxieties you might be used to managing have likely changed as well.

Give yourself time to adjust.

We all get used to certain routines and schedules and for a lot of families, going back to school in the fall is a part of a schedule that everyone is familiar with. This year though, you might be adjusting to virtual learning, shorter class days or weeks, smaller class sizes, etc., and those changes can bring a lot of anxiety.

January 1st is a time for resolutions.

In fact, we originally posted this series on insta and facebook on the New Year’s Eve. But the reason we want to check in with you now, mid-Jan, is to see how those goals are going. Plus, we couldn’t resist posting on 1/20/2020!

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably dropped that resolution you made at the start of the new year. This is ok! It’s super common! But there’s a way to make sure your goals stick. And we’d love for you to pick up the mantle and give it another try.

To make your goals more attainable, and to increase your follow through, make your goals SMART - specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time sensitive. We will be talking more about each step below to really break down how to make your goals and resolutions easier to follow through on.

Great for kids, parents, and college students - especially when you have perfectionism and anxiety and a high drive to succeed (hi, is this you? If so, we’d love to work with you!)

After 6 years of supporting anxious kids, teens, college students, and their parents, we check in with Kelsey about providing therapy in St. Louis!

Learn more about supporting your anxious high schooler as we interview Katie Holman, MS, LPC: “ As a school counselor, I can offer a safe space for students to go if they are struggling.”

Learn more about supporting your anxious student with Gretchen Keller, LCSW, Elementary Care Coordinator for Parkway School District: “I love early intervention when it comes to mental health concerns! “

“I also witnessed first-hand how effective art therapy can be when a loved one received various treatments for anxiety and depression. Art therapy helped them to relax, develop more trusting relationships with their therapists, and become immersed in a joyful creative process in the midst of such a difficult personal struggle. “

Toxic positivity, perfectionism, and anxiety tend to impact one another.

“Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It's a ‘good vibes only’ approach to life.” Toxic positivity means you feel like you can only focus on the good and try and push away the bad.

In terms of perfectionism, where we always want to do our best and are so disappointed when we don’t meet our (very high!) expectations, coming short of our goals feels terrible. When we have perfectionism AND toxic positivity, we have an internal message telling us “I’m terrible,” or “I’m a failure,” a long with an internal message that “Feeling bad makes me bad,” or, “There’s something wrong with me for feeling this way.”

Here’s where anxiety comes in:

1. Toxic positivity: Good vibes only!

2. Perfectionism: I got less than an A on this test. I’m a failure!

3. Anxiety: Having this thought makes me a bad person, because “good vibes only!” I can’t tell people about this! I have to keep it to myself! There’s something really wrong with me. I can’t let anyone else know about this!

Why is perfectionism a bad thing?

Perfectionism is a lofty goal that keeps you from completing things or doing things that are good enough. If you have to be perfect, anything less than 110% is basically a failure, right?

When you have perfectionism, you’re constantly worried about not meeting your own expectations, AND you’re worried about what it says about you.

Perfectionism plus anxiety plus depression:

When we have perfectionism, we tend to be anxious. We have to meet our big goals for ourselves. If we don’t, we’ve failed. Then, that perceived failure makes us feel bad about ourselves - and that trips us right into a depression zone.

Perfectionism makes it so hard to let go of our overwhelming thoughts.

Our brains prevent us from fully engaging because they get so worried about what a poor grade, poor score, or poor performance means about us. Many times, we start to spiral. It usually looks something like…

Social media is a lot to keep up with.

Social media can be an awesome thing! The funny videos, the choreographed dances, the lip syncs and photos of family and friends, can keep you engaged and laughing for hours. But it can also lead to a lot of comparison, a need to fit in and a craving for validation. Does the pressure to be entertaining and look perfect feel really overwhelming? It’s okay because you aren’t alone in feeling that way!

The pressure that comes from posting online can be really tough.

It's especially tough if you already struggle with perfectionism or anxiety.

Sometimes, the culture around us can affect how we view ourselves.

It’s easy to let what’s happening around us influence our opinions of ourselves. We live in a culture that is driven by social media and puts unnecessary pressure on us to look like we have it all together, all the time. Sometimes that pressure gets to be too much and we need help to manage that anxiety.

We reached out to Tina Cummings, LPC, NCC, to discuss how she approaches therapy with high-achieving clients. She talks about the importance of self empowerment, taking a break from “hustle culture” and getting to know her clients as a whole.

Perfectionism isn’t always a good thing.

You probably hear that a lot already, but your brain is telling you, “Well… perfectionism helps me do well in school. Perfectionism means I only turn in the best work. Perfectionism means that I care.” And your brain is probably right!

Perfectionism probably does feel like it makes you a better student.

Perfectionism is doing a lot of other not so good things, as well.

At the same time, perfectionism can feel helpful.

When you have a high drive to succeed, perfectionism feels like it helps you turn in the best work possible. You know that you have to do your best. You criticize every small mistake you make, which means you won’t make those mistakes ever again - right?

Failure is really important!

If you’re worried about failing, chances are, you’re a teen or college student who wants to do well. We specialize in working with kids and teens who are consistently high performers in school. And a lot of times, underneath all that drive and ambition, there's a ton of anxiety.

With the start of a new school year, you’re probably starting to remember how much stress you experience with school. You worry about failure. But what if we figured out a way to use it and move forward?

There are a lot of new stressors in our lives right now.

We’ve all had to get used to a new normal during this global pandemic. For a lot of our parents, one of the biggest challenges is moving school from the classroom to the kitchen table. Whether your kids are attending classes over Zoom or you have now been put in charge of teaching the material, no doubt this is a major adjustment for everyone. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed!

Is the Drive to Succeed and Be the Best a Double Edged Sword?

Friends, I don’t know if I would own my private practice if I wasn’t a bit of a perfectionist. I’m not sure if I would have the drive to put in all of the time, energy, and effort into running a business if I didn’t feel this nervous undercurrent about being successful.

And at the same time, I know that anxiety feels like a motivator because it wants us to keep using it. It tricks us into feeling that we wouldn’t work without it.

So every day in my business, and every day that I’m working at home or checking emails past normal business hours, I take a step back and remind myself: I’m working hard because of my values, not because of my anxiety.

Because anxiety is always going to end up getting in the way.

It will grow too big and it will keep us from succeeding. Which is what we must teach our successful teenagers as well.