Winter Break Tip #7 - Attune and Connect

How many times has someone asked you ”How are you?” and you’ve replied, “Good!” and that’s the whole conversation? Good isn’t a feeling! And, our guess is that you’re feeling a lot more than just “good.”

It’s so easy to gloss past emotions without really taking the time to attune to what’s going on emotionally. This is especially important for your role as a parent. You have to teach your children how to correctly identify their emotions and move forward with them.

Rather than a quick check in with your kids before moving on, take some time to really attune to their emotional state and connect with them, Help them normalize their emotions, and never label a thought or a feeling as good or bad. Even when you or your child are feeling angry or sad or overwhelmed, these emotions give us very important information!

Winter Break Tip #4 - Identify and Empathize

How many of us take the time to really figure out how we're feeling from moment to moment? It can be so easy to gloss over what we're feeling, and then, before we know it, an emotion has built and built until we feel like we're going to explode.

Our first step to helping our kids identify their emotions? You want to help them clue in to what you're noticing on the outside, and what they might be feeling on the inside. Try "You seem stressed," or "I'm wondering if you feel angry." Give them space to correct you. Help them build up their emotional language far beyond "I feel good/bad/fine."

There’s no such thing as a bad emotion. And, honestly, there’s no such thing as a good emotion. Emotions just are, and all emotions are healthy and helpful. We just need to figure out what to do about them.

Winter Break Tip #1 - Think Through Last Year

Our top tip for parents is to PLAN AHEAD. What went well last year? What were the challenges? What do you want to try out differently this time?

You can’t prepare for everything, but you can set a great plan for winter break. Prep your schedule for these upcoming weeks - what’s going to happen and when? Go through this schedule with your kids. Figure out what time will be structured and what time will be unstructured. And, prepare your expectations and time management.

Winter Break Tip #2 - Prepare

When you have expectations for your child’s behavior, it’s important to set your kid up for success. Some parents tell me they want to “test” their kids - which I get. But at the same time, why not coach your kid rather than test them. There will be plenty of opportunities to see how they handle things - use winter break as a time to focus on the positives, and really praise their positive choices.

It’s okay to dread the holidays.

Holiday season can bring on a lot of anxiety. You might be gearing up for extended family to come stay with you, preparing big feasts, packing for a trip or helping your kids study for their last few finals of the semester. It seems like the last few months of the year always go by the fastest and there isn’t a lot of time to relax. This time can be especially overwhelming for families with divorced parents.

Even if you have a great relationship with your ex, the holidays can bring up a lot of emotions for you and your kids.

There’s no one-size-fits all model when it comes to how to approach the holidays with your kids. Even if you have a custody agreement of where they spend their time, you might notice irritability, angry outbursts, tension and sadness more often than usual. It can be tough and even frustrating at times to get them to “be on their best behavior.”

This time of year can trigger a lot of emotions for people struggling with eating disorders.

As the semester winds down, things can get pretty overwhelming for those who deal with anxiety. The pressure of exams, finishing projects and gearing up for the holidays can be a lot to take on. This time can also be really overwhelming for those who struggle with eating disorders.

It’s important to get help from a specialized therapist which is why we reached out to Melissa Koch, MA, LPC to discuss Somatic Experiencing and how she uses this approach with her clients. We are thrilled to share her expertise with you! Read more below about how this approach can really help when dealing with eating disorders and anxiety.

Social media is a lot to keep up with.

Social media can be an awesome thing! The funny videos, the choreographed dances, the lip syncs and photos of family and friends, can keep you engaged and laughing for hours. But it can also lead to a lot of comparison, a need to fit in and a craving for validation. Does the pressure to be entertaining and look perfect feel really overwhelming? It’s okay because you aren’t alone in feeling that way!

The pressure that comes from posting online can be really tough.

It's especially tough if you already struggle with perfectionism or anxiety.

Sometimes, the culture around us can affect how we view ourselves.

It’s easy to let what’s happening around us influence our opinions of ourselves. We live in a culture that is driven by social media and puts unnecessary pressure on us to look like we have it all together, all the time. Sometimes that pressure gets to be too much and we need help to manage that anxiety.

We reached out to Tina Cummings, LPC, NCC, to discuss how she approaches therapy with high-achieving clients. She talks about the importance of self empowerment, taking a break from “hustle culture” and getting to know her clients as a whole.

Perfectionism isn’t always a good thing.

You probably hear that a lot already, but your brain is telling you, “Well… perfectionism helps me do well in school. Perfectionism means I only turn in the best work. Perfectionism means that I care.” And your brain is probably right!

Perfectionism probably does feel like it makes you a better student.

Perfectionism is doing a lot of other not so good things, as well.

At the same time, perfectionism can feel helpful.

When you have a high drive to succeed, perfectionism feels like it helps you turn in the best work possible. You know that you have to do your best. You criticize every small mistake you make, which means you won’t make those mistakes ever again - right?

Have you noticed anxiety in your child ?

Our therapists at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis have a lot of experience working with anxious kids, teens and college students ,and we wanted to take the time to really showcase the work that we do!

We have our ongoing interview series, which is a great way to get to know other therapists in the area, but we also want you to get to know the therapists here at our office, too! Each of our therapists tailor their approach to you and your child, so you get the most out of your sessions and you feel supported the whole time.

This week, we spoke to Art Therapist Maggie Schmidt on her clinical experience, what it’s like working at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, and when it might be a good idea to get therapy for anxiety. We’re so lucky to have her at our office!

Failure is really important!

If you’re worried about failing, chances are, you’re a teen or college student who wants to do well. We specialize in working with kids and teens who are consistently high performers in school. And a lot of times, underneath all that drive and ambition, there's a ton of anxiety.

With the start of a new school year, you’re probably starting to remember how much stress you experience with school. You worry about failure. But what if we figured out a way to use it and move forward?

It’s okay to feel worried and anxious.

Our therapists at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis have a lot of experience working with anxious kids, teens and college students and we wanted to take the time to really showcase the work that we do! Our interview series is a great way to get to know other therapists in the area but we also want you to get to know the therapists here at our office too! Each of our therapists tailor their approach to your child so you get the most out of your sessions and your kid feels supported the whole time.

This week, we spoke to Allegra Grawer on how her experience, what it’s like working at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis and when it might be a good idea to get therapy for anxiety. We’re so lucky to have her at our office!

Supporting your child with social anxiety

It can be overwhelming for a child experiencing social anxiety while not understanding what it is or how to cope. It can also be frustrating for you, as the parent, to deal with the many challenges of social anxiety. Since social anxiety can manifest in a lot of different ways, it’s important to learn what it is and how it looks, so that you can best support your child in dealing with it.

Play is a language that all kids understand.

When we work with anxiety and anger management with our children and teens, we often integrate play into our work. Sometimes, we connect families to family therapists even if everything feels like it’s going well. A family therapist can offer their perspective on the entire family dynamic and work on issues together in a way that is different from the work we do individually.

Play therapy can be a great option to opening the lines of communication within your family

We reached out to family therapists in the St. Louis area to discuss the ins and outs of family therapy to help you decide if it’s the right choice for you. Play therapy can be a really great option for families with kids and Rose R. Trevino is a great resource! We interviewed Rose to learn more about how Play Therapy is used within family therapy. Read more below about her experience!

Is family therapy the right choice for me?

When things seem overwhelming or you find yourself facing communication struggles in your home, it can be helpful to seek a therapist who can work with the whole family. Sometimes, it’s even helpful to seek family therapy in addition to individual therapy. But how do you know if your family would benefit from family therapy?

When we work with anxiety and anger management with our kids, teens and college students, we sometimes connect families to family therapists even if everything feels like it’s going well. A family therapist can offer their perspective on the entire family dynamic and work on issues together in a way that is different from the work we do individually.

Teenagers do a really good job when it comes to keeping parents out of the loop.

Part of it is just how teens are designed to be. They’re meant to be maturing on their own, increasing their independence, and building up their self-reliance. You want your teen to be able to start solving problems on their own. You need your teen to be able to figure out action steps to reach their goals.

But wanting your teen to grow in independence doesn’t mean you never want to know what’s going on.

You want your teen to come to you for support, too. You want to help them with their problems. You want to know when they need help.

Teens, especially teenagers with anxiety, can feel too overwhelmed to reach out for support.

So it’s crucial for you as the parent to provide opportunities for them to check in, and to be on the lookout for hidden signs of anxiety.

Compassionate Counseling St. Louis specializes in anxiety management for kids, teens and college students.

We work with a ton of families. We love the work that we do! But we also know, even if we love working with you, that we’re not always the best fit.

If things aren’t feeling better, we want to check in with your weekly outcomes scores, to track our progress. We want to try out a few new interventions. And if we’re still not seeing the progress we want to see, we might refer you out.

The kids are at home (still), summer camps are closed, and all the ways you normally fill your summer time look a lot different, thanks to Coronavirus.

So, what’s a parent to do?

This week, we put together a list of some ways to fill up summer - while still building skills for anxiety management, frustration tolerance, and relationship building (kind of the three big things we most care about here at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis!)

What do you actually do this summer? We have 10 ideas right below!